Drama, Drama, Drama

"I want you to have a friend at work, someone with whom you can complain about things to, especially your boss."-my jovial boss circa week 3 of my job

"I have worked here for 20 years, and I have many, many connections, so anything that you say will get back to me." - my insane boss circa last week

What caused this drastic change you might ask? White board markers. Here we are again...the markers have struck again. Let me tell the story. As you recall from the blog "The Office: Science Style", there was an incident where a fellow employee and friend hooked me up with some white board markers (from here on out, he will be referred to as McMarker). My boss became irrationally irate about the situation, causing him to question my loyalty and work ethic. Since that incident, he has treated me as though he was a jealous ex-boyfriend whom I had cheated on. He would only speak in 3 word phrases, ignore me in the lab, and began with-holding information that was vital to the experiment I was running, wasting both my time and the resources available. Since he was not speaking to me, I was left to ponder what the cause of this behavior could be. Seeing as whenever he saw me taking to McMarker, he became even more irate, I came to the conclusion that my boss thought I was having an affair with McMarker, which was a no-no since he's married.

Now, I know this all sounds ridiculous and you would think I was making this up...however this is all true. So, I decided to confront my boss head on, and put this issue behind us. I had no idea what was about to happen. I sat him down one afternoon and this is how the conversation went (I do not exaggerate):

Me: I wanted to discuss an issue with you. Ever since the marker incident last week, I have felt as though something has changed in terms of how we work together, and it's starting to affect how I do my job, so I just want to clear the air. There is nothing going on between me and McMarker. We are friends, friends who talk about sports, his family, and other non work related things. He invites me out to lunch when his group goes out to lunch and has helped me try to fit in here. That is all.

Boss: I could care less what is going on with you and McMarkers. What I care about is the fact that I feel I was lied to. I feel that McMarkers was tipped off about the situation, so when I confronted him, he had planned was he was going to say. I felt that you were protecting him and he was protecting you. It hurt me that you would put your 3 month friendship with him above the report that we have built here. If he wants to make things right with me, than he can come and tell me the truth, that is if he really cares, which I doubt he does. For you, I don't care to know the story, I just feel that you lied to me and it got me thinking that if you lied about this, what else would you lie about in the future. If this had happened week 2 of your job, I would have pulled McMarkers ordering history to see if he ordered you markers, and I can't guarantee that you would have a job. But I've invested time into you, and I'm just disappointed by this whole situation.

Me: [trying not to react to the ridiculousness that was just spoken]

Boss: As for any rumors, yes people talk and whisper all the time. If you want drama in your life, you can lie or gossip...and I choose to do neither. I have been going to bat for you very hard here. There are certain relationships we have to maintain in order to get our job done here. People talk, especially at those happy hours. I have been here 20 years, so I have many many connections. Anything you say will get back to me.


So, here is what I've learned:

1.My boss wants me to have friends at work, but only those people who will report back to him as to what I say.
2. No matter if I lie or not, if I blush, my boss will think I'm lying.
3. Do not accept white board markers or any other office supply from anyone other than my boss
4. I have to allow and flatter creepy Luigi in order to maintain the working relationship that has been established
5. My boss is like the controlling husband that if you don't do what he says, he will verbally abuse you until you isolate yourself from everyone and he is the only person you have left in the world.

Now, I know I exaggerated slightly with those points, and since then things have been better. However, I will speak to no one at work about anything involving my boss other than to say he is a great person to work with. I will wear a plain band on my ring finger to insinuate that I am perhaps engaged or at least have a boyfriend. I will be polite and courteous to everyone I encounter, all the while trying to establish professional relationships with a few key people who will hopefully become references in the future. Lastly, I will cross my fingers that I make it past my 6 month review, and pray that this marker situation will not affect my raise come December.

Meanwhile, I have updated my resume and am currently "looking to see what is out there" / on the prowl for my Sugar Daddy. If you know any, please send them my way and we can set up a formal interview. The top 5 candidates will be brought for a second and third round, which will be discussed in further detail in a future blog.

LOVE!