Just give it to us straight

As the saying goes, breaking up is hard to do. Now, don't get your panties in a twist...me and Champ are still going strong (I'm keeping my fingers crossed that he defies the odds and proves to be an example that there are still good ones out there), but a recent break up of one my dear friends has got me to thinking about the way in which guys and girls go about the break up biznass. I can't make a generalization for all girls, but using myself as an example, I feel that I have been pretty honest during break ups that I have initiated, communicating the why pretty effectively, leaving the guy no doubts as to the reason for the demise of the relationship. For example, I broke up with my high school boyfriend because he was immature and insecure with himself, thus projecting onto our relationship. Before Champ, I dated a really great guy who was a laid back, pot smoking hippie type. I wanted very badly to be in love with him and care about him the way he did me, but I just didn't. I was honest with him and told him how I felt, which was hard because he was one of the good ones, however, it just wasn't there for me. We have since remained on good terms, although I'm sure his family cursed me for a good 6 months after I moved back east.

There, two perfectly good examples of effective, honest break ups, with no one left wondering why it happened. Now, guys for whatever reason, cannot be this honest. Perhaps they have some complex where they don't want to be the bad guy, or already feel bad for breaking a poor girls heart, that they feel if they lie, it will make it easier. For a sex that comes equip with their own set of balls, they don't use them. Here are two examples of this case. I dated a guy in high school that was a big time soccer player, and one of the popular guys. Obvi I was totally psyched when he asked me, the little band geek closet badass out. We dated for 5 glorious months...my parents loved him and I was just on cloud 9. Then one day, he broke it off...via IM. His reasoning? He thought we should just be friends. Truth? I wasn't cool enough and he got embarrassed because I wasn't part of the in-crowd. He apologized for this a year later, and admitted that he was stupid and should have just told me the truth back then, but he was chicken and just couldn't take the teasing. Could have saved me the time of wondering what I did to make him not like me anymore. Traumatic experience that still affects me to this day. I can't look at farmers or red convertibles the same.The second is a guy I dated in college/grad school. We dated for 3 years, and hit a bit of a rough patch in our relationship. He broke up with me, saying he feels its something he needs to do and he'll probably regret it later on...blah blah blah.Truth? There was someone else, and rather than tell me flat out, he decided to cushion it and let me hang on to the hope that we had a chance.

Here's my question: Why not just tell the truth? I mean, you are already breaking our heart, but telling us the truth, you are actually doing us a favor and helping us realize what an asshole you are, thus helping us propel through the stages of grief: Denial-"he'll realize he's making a mistake, this isn't permanent"; Anger-"Fuck him and everything he ever gave me"; Bargaining-"If I lose weight, maybe he'll come back"; Depression- "I'm going to drown myself in Ben and Jerry's Phish Food ice cream while watching The Notebook and sobbing into a box of tissues"; Acceptance-"I'm hot, I'm a catch, and now I'm going to go and fuck someone". By telling the truth, you will help us jump right to Acceptance, which is a better stage for all involved.


So, to all you guys (none of whom read this blog except T Masta Flash who I believe does not fall into this category of guys but more into the "One of the good ones"), just do everyone a favor, man up and tell the f'in truth. Just because we are girls, doesn't mean we can't take the truth. Hell, if we are equip to push a 8+ pound baby out of a hole the size of a quarter, then I think we can handle the real reason why you are breaking up with us. And Ladies, when a guy you're dating turns out to be a douchebag, tell him that he is making the biggest mistake and will regret it for the rest of his life, strut your stuff out of the room (or slam the phone), go to a local bar and make out with the first guy that makes you cream your pants. Guaranteed to make you feel better. And, if you still need a little something, give me his number and I will leave the following message on his voicemail:


"Hi (insert Douchers name), you may not know me, but I'm a friend of (insert your name here) and I just wanted to tell you to go FUCK YOURSELF. If you ever try to contact (insert your name here) again, I will personally come and hack your balls off since you don't know how to use them. Have a great day."

Because that's the kind of friend I am.

LOVE!