The Family that Drinks Together...

Setting: Ocean City, Beach Week '09, condo my parents rented for the weekend.

Players: Momma and Poppa Dukes, Brother, myself, Champ, D (my friend), Alan and Drew (other friends of my brothers).

Day/Time/Condition: 3rd day of beach week, afternoon. We will track the drunken status of my mother throughout the recap of the day.

What went down: After about 7 solid hours on the beach, it begins to rain (Time: 3:30pm). We retreat back to the condo, shower, start mixing drinks by 4pm. We snack on some sloppy Joe's and get tired of staring at each other. So, naturally we begin playing beer pong (Time: 6:30pm). Champ and Alan were the reigning champs from the night before, so they are up against Momma and Poppa Dukes. Momma Dukes is 4 strong gin and tonics deep, and dancing. Poppa Dukes is on fire, but not hot enough to drown out Champ and Alan. Momma Dukes 'side beer' is gin and tonic #5. For the next few hours, we rotate pong partners. Meanwhile, Champ and I start taking bets as to when Momma Dukes will be cut off/pass out. At this point she is making out with my dad, stumbling around, snapping pictures like its her job.

9:15pm...beer pong is Momma and Poppa Dukes vs. Me and Champ. Momma Dukes is stumbling and slurring her words. My dad keeps giving me the look like "what the hell am I going to do with your mother?" I am DYING. 9:45pm, Champ and I win in overtime, my dad graciously bows out of the tourney with my mom and tells me to get her a water. Momma Dukes is having a heart to heart with my brother as I set the water down in front of her. She looks at it and then me in complete disgust. Opens the water, and dumps it all over my brother. Poppa Dukes rips the water bottle out of her hands and yells at her. In what can only be described as 13-year-old defiance, Momma Dukes opens the fridge, grabs another bottle of water, opens it, pretends to take a sip, but instead, shoots it all over Poppa Dukes and my brother.

10:15pm...Momma Dukes is shuttled to the balcony to think about what she did. 10:30pm I go out to check on her and ask her if she needs anything. She makes me come real close, like she's going to tell me a secret and asks ever so quietly if I can get her a diet coke and a bottle of rum. I only bring her the diet coke. She then sits me down, tells me about the importance of camel toe and being aware about it in every day life (typical mother-daughter advice), and drunk dials one of my friends.

10:50pm...My brother tells my mom she needs to 'bow out 11:00pm Momma Dukes makes her way to her bedroom with her head slightly bowed. 11:30pm, I go into check on her. I find her laying in her bed, the covers pulled up to her chin, watching Sex and the City. She looks at me and asks "it is time for me to come back out? I want to come back out and play!"

The rest of the night is spend playing beer pong, some went night swimming, others did some scandalous things. The next morning we wake up, still a little drunk from the night before. 9:30am, Momma Dukes rolls out, swim suit on, ready for the beach as if nothing happened the night before. 3:00pm, Poppa Dukes finally emerges from the hangover coma that came out of nowhere and joined us on the beach.

Now, tell me you wouldn't watch a reality show that followed my family on vacation!


LOVE!